False Allegations of Parental “Alienation” (Part 2)

The effects of being involved in disputes where untrue claims of parental alienation are made can have profound and multifaceted impacts on children, touching on emotional, physical, social aspects, and their place within the family dynamic. The repercussions can vary widely depending on the individual child, the specifics of the family situation, the length of the legal conflict, and the support systems in place. Here are some of the potential effects on children:

Emotionally

- Increased Anxiety and Stress: Children may experience heightened anxiety and stress due to the conflict between their parents and the pressure to align with one parent over the other. This can lead to long-term anxiety disorders.

- Depression: The emotional turmoil and feeling torn between parents can contribute to symptoms of depression in children.

- Low Self-Esteem: Children might internalize the conflict and blame themselves for their parents’ issues, leading to decreased self-worth and self-esteem.

- Fear and Confusion: They may fear losing one or both parents or be confused about whom to believe or trust, which can impact their sense of security and stability.

-In therapy there tends to be a decrease in the child’s willingness to speak up because they are fearful what is said during the therapeutic process will ultimately “hurt” the other parent.

- As a therapist, or Guardian Ad Litem (GAL), it is crucial to understand childhood developmental in this process. Generally speaking, children ages 3-8, will answer questions in a way to appease the person asking.

-When assessing for parental alienation, or untrue claims, the therapist or GAL needs to be aware that younger children are already in a heightened emotional state, where reading and monitoring the emotions of one parent has been normalized. Due to this emotional monitoring, the younger child will have a continued desire to please the assessor.

-Almost in the reverse, children 9-12 have learned the ins and outs of meeting with therapists, GAL’s etc, and have learned that in some cases, what they say ultimately will be used in court. Therefore, children in these age ranges, the mental health professional or attorney must establish trust with the child and take care to only provide information that is absolutely necessary for the best interest of the child.

-When understanding the emotional concerns of a teenager who has been aligned with a parent who has made false claims of parent alienation, listening, and compassion, with gentle compassions are key. This is a time when reunification therapy may be appropriate. -Reunification therapy is a complicated process, and one that must be taken with care and caution. This will be addressed in more detail in a later blog post. However, an important note to reunification therapy is the therapist must be trained and competent in Reunification Therapy, not just family therapy. Also, there has been a recent focus of “Reunification camps,” and these are not supported by the evidence or literature, or are they beneficial in the long run.

Physically

- Stress-Related Health Problems: Chronic stress can manifest physically, leading to headaches, stomachaches, and other stress-related health issues.

- Sleep Disorders: The emotional distress can disrupt sleep patterns, leading to insomnia or other sleep disorders.

- Neglect of Physical Health: In severe cases, the child's physical health may be neglected if the custodial parent is too embroiled in legal battles or if the child is placed with an abusive parent.

- This can also be seen in the other direction where a parent will use physical ailments to keep the child from the alienated parent. An example of this would be where after visitation with the alienated parent, the child is “sick” or must but kept away from the other parent.

Socially

- Isolation from Peers: The intense focus on family issues can lead children to withdraw from friendships and social activities, leading to isolation.

- Difficulty in Forming Healthy Relationships: Experiencing or witnessing manipulation can impair a child's ability to trust others and form healthy relationships in the future.

- Conflict with Authority Figures: Children may display increased defiance or trouble with authority figures, mirroring the conflict dynamics they witness at home.

Within the Family

- Strained Parent-Child Relationships: Regardless of the outcome, allegations of parental alienation can strain the child's relationships with both parents — one being seen as the aggressor and the other as the victim.

- Sibling Separation or Strain: If siblings are split between parents or disagree on the family dynamics, this can lead to separation or strain in their relationships.

- Generational Impact: The patterns of behavior and conflict witnessed can impact not only the child's current family relationships but also their future family dynamics and parenting style.

- When including step-siblings and step-parents, sometimes the step-parents or step-siblings can be used as scapegoats for the actual problem of untrue claims. The child will focus on their extended family instead of discussing the family of origin.

Long-Term Effects

- Trust Issues: Experiencing manipulation or being caught in the middle of parental conflict can lead to long-term trust issues in personal relationships.

- Repeating Patterns of Behavior: Children may unconsciously replicate the abusive or manipulative behaviors in their own adult relationships, continuing the cycle of dysfunction.

-What does the above statement look like in adult relationships? Constant worrying, feelings of not being good enough, subject to manipulation and/or increase in manipulation in rleationships.

- Emotional Regulation Difficulties: Ongoing emotional turmoil can affect a child's ability to regulate emotions, leading to potential difficulties in managing anger, sadness, or frustration.

Any (and certainly, all) of these issues can have lasting negative impacts on the lives of children. Addressing these impacts requires a supportive, understanding approach that prioritizes the child’s well-being, mental health, and stability. Therapy and counseling, along with stable, loving care from non-abusive family members, can help mitigate some of these effects. It is crucial for involved professionals (e.g., judges, custody evaluators, therapists) to be aware of the nuanced dynamics at play in cases involving false claims of parental alienation and to approach these situations with the child’s best interests at the forefront.

Written by Matt McDaniel, MA, LPC